Too Many Blogs’ Alternative Guide to Glastonbury

All site photos (not food images) in this article were taken by Andrew Allcock

Who to see, what to eat & where to go

The days are as long as they get, Decathlon and Millets are unusually busy and next week’s weather forecasts are reassuringly extreme in their terrifying disparities. This can only mean one thing. Glastonbury is nearly upon us.

There’s so much to do and so much to see, it can be hard to know where to even start (especially if you’ve never been before). So, we’ve tried to condense some of our favourite things about the festival and this year’s programme into one handy guide.


Ten sets you need to catch

Mattiel. Greenpeace Stage. Friday, 5pm.

Simple but assured garage rock accompanied by one of the most forceful voices out there. Continuing in the same vein as her self-titled debut, Satis Factory (released last month) was another triumph for the Atlanta vocal and creative powerhouse. She performs on the Park Stage on Saturday but choose Friday’s Greenpeace Stage set for the eccentric setting and intimacy.


Kenny Allstar Presents…WOW. Saturday, 10:45pm

Friday at WOW may be a techno raver’s dream, but Saturday night sees the gods of UK rap take over. In a ridiculously special one-off show, Mixtape Madness & 1Xtra’s Kenny Allstar will present Headie One, 67’s LD, Fredo AND AJ Tracey. If you don’t live in London, you’re unlikely to see these names performing in the same place and time again. You’ve been warned.


Fontaines D.C. Rabbit Hole. Sunday night, 3am.

Fontaines’ meteoric rise has been rapid and much deserved. One of the most exciting punk bands around at the moment, they’ll play three times over the weekend. You can catch them at William’s Green on Saturday afternoon, Leftfield on Sunday afternoon and at the Rabbit Hole right as the festival comes to a close. Book Monday (and maybe Tuesday) off work. Don’t go to bed early.


Ezra Collective vs Sons of Kemet. The Wormhole. Saturday night, 12am.

It’s Saturday night. Your mate dragged you to see The Killers and you really need something to put a smile on your face. Get yourself over to The Wormhole for Ezra Collective! Their honourable aim is “to get people to dance and have the best day of their week” at their shows. Nice, eh? Oh, and they’ll be bringing fellow London jazz squad and Mercury Prize nominees Sons of Kemet along with them.


Gojira. Truth Stage. Friday, 10:10pm.

Considering Metallica were the first metal band to ever headline the festival in 2014, you could definitely argue that Glastonbury was, until recently, a festival for all genres except metal. For the past handful of festivals however, Emily Eavis has been dropping in the odd heavy gem in amongst the mud. In 2017, Napalm Death surprised everyone with an appearance at Shangri La’s Truth Stage. This year, it’s Gojira’s turn. Things are going to get very heavy.


Kojaque. Pussy Parlure. Sunday, 10pm

If Ireland is truly the new powerhouse for hip-hop, then Kojaque is one of its poster boys. He combines funky beats with a flawlessly natural flow. But don’t underestimate him for his laidback vibes, his live set will have you sweltering.


Jeff Goldblum & The Mildred Snitzer Orchestra. West Holts. Sunday, 2pm.

Glastonbury’s line up always stands out not just because of its size, but because of its many quirks. Jeff Goldblum, otherwise known as Dr. Ian Malcolm, will grace the West Holts Stage on Sunday with his jazz band’s silky showmanship and his own effortless Hollywood wit. A guaranteed highlight on the final day of the festival.


OSHUN. Pussy Parlure. Friday night, 12am.

OSHUN are from a different planet. No, seriously. You don’t just “see” OSHUN live, you’re taken on a journey into the “Oshuniverse”. Whatever you’re doing on Friday night, make plans for a Pussy Parlure-directed detour and immerse yourself in the soul-tinged hip-hop world of OSHUN.


Everyone. William’s Green Stage. Saturday, all day.

From Black Midi at 11am on Friday to BC Camplight at 7pm on Sunday, the William’s Green stage has  done it again with an absolutely stellar line up. Of all the days though, Saturday is arguably the one that warrants an all day camp-out. Squid, Rozi Plain, Sports Team, Madonnatron, Snapped Ankles, Fontaines D.C., Pip Blom, Starcrawler, SWMRS and Shame. See you there.


Celeste. BBC Introducing Stage. Sunday, 5:15pm.

If you haven’t already fallen head over heels for Celeste on record, you will once you see her live. Her silky, soulful vocals are often drenched in melancholy and tales of heartbreak, which will admittedly be hard to deal with on Sunday… Regardless, missing her would be a massive mistake. Prepare to be blown away.


Five different, very Glastonbury things to try

Billy Bragg with Frank Turner at the Leftfield Stage

Gong bath with Martina Saorin. Humbleweed Hideout. Throughout the weekend.

Gong baths are a form of meditation wherein you meditate to the sound of gongs being smashed. I promise this is supposed to be relaxing.


Free meals, great company and chanting at the Hare Krishna tent. All weekend.

I can’t recommend the Hare Krishna tent enough. Stroll up, chat to lovely people, chant the Hare Krishna mantra and enjoy some very basic but filling (and somewhat nutritious) free food.


Go and see ELVANA (Elvis Fronted Nirvana). William’s Green Stage. Thursday, 9:30pm.

Ever wished you could bring Elvis or Kurt Cobain back from the dead? Ever wished that a resurrected Elvis could front Nirvana? Neither have we, but it should be at least be a spectacle.


Listen to one of the various climate change talks at the Speakers Forum. All weekend.

While it’s on, there’s no better place on Earth than the festival to hear from informed activists. Whether it’s about forming a positive response to climate change or political Armageddon, dedicate some time to debate.


Sleep Recovery Yoga with Lisa Sanflillipo. Humble Well Tree Temple. Throughout the weekend.

Unless you’re camped in an AirBnb a few miles away from the festival, you won’t get any real sleep. Sleep recovery yoga sounds like it could help, right? It’s at least worth a go.


Five food stalls you have to eat at

Tibetan Kitchen

The best Tibetan food this side of the Himalayas.


La Grande Bouffe

Hearty sausages and tasty potatoes. With Gravy.


Ghandi’s Flip Flop

Authentic, vegetarian curries.


Goan Fish Curries

Healthy and delicious fish curries.


Dosa Deli – South Indian Street Food

Vegetarian and gluten-free South Indian Dosas.


Five things you have to do

Interact with everything at Shangri La

Unquestionably one of the best areas of Glastonbury, everyone’s heard of Shangri La. A weird and wonderful place full of surprises down every alleyway, no other festival has anything like it.


Watch a film at Cineramageddon

Curated by Julien Temple, Cineramageddon is a drive in cinema with genuine scrap cars. Book a car in advance or just turn up and enjoy with headphones (free with a deposit).


Walk up the ‘flag hill’ without looking back, then turn around

The flags were gone last time, which was a shame, but the ‘flag hill’ offers the best view of the entire festival. If you’ve never been before, walk up to the top without looking back. When you get to the top and turn around, you’re guaranteed to be blown away.


See a secret set

You could get Radiohead on the Park, or it could be the Somerset Working Men’s Club with a 3 hour tambourine medley.


Drink at the Brothers Bar

Arguably the best bar at the festival, Brothers sells high percentage ciders filled with sugar. It may sound a bit sickly, but a couple of these when you’re hungover will bring you straight back to life. Miracle booze by the brilliant West Holts stage.


Wherever you end up going, whatever you end up doing, there’s no place on earth like it. See you there.

Thank you to Andrew Allcock for letting us use his wonderful Glastonbury pictures.